Tuesday's Truth

The truth is that yesterday I spent 30 minutes waiting in line for a swine flu shot. And I have to go back today to actually get said shot. It pretty much combined my four favorite things: waiting, crowds of people (hello claustrophobia), paperwork, and needles.

The truth is that I'm not so sure how I feel about being a brunette again. All of my clothes look totally different with my dark brown hair.

The truth is that I sometimes talk to myself. And I sometimes can't get myself to agree with myself. And I sometimes call myself names when I don't agree with myself.

The truth is that Corey's last two paychecks have come late. In fact, he was supposed to be paid on the 5th and we are still unsure when he is going to get his check. Every time he calls me from work I'm always afraid it's to tell me that he doesn't have a job anymore.

The truth is that I'm feeling especially blessed and watched over today, because even if Corey does lose his job, I was lucky enough to get a promotion at work that came with a raise so money won't be quite so tight.

The truth is that Corey won't get let me get a puppy, despite the many, many requests I have made (I even try asking in the middle of the night or when he's distracted but he always says no). So I have come up with a new solution. I want a puppy because they're cute and fun to play with and make me feel loved and give me someone else to focus on and help me not be so lonely. So...how about getting a roommate? He shut that idea down. Then said we could have the missionaries live with us. Not exactly the exciting roommate I was hoping for.

The truth is that I have eaten pasta at least once a week almost every week for the last 5+ years.

The truth is that I cannot stand the words prego or preggers. They literally make me shudder. And want to punch someone in the face. I don't recommend saying them around me because I don't have the best sensibleness when I'm pregnant.

The truth is that I have been in love three times in my short life. Which is a lot, considering I got married at 19. And not much at all, considering that I love and care about every single person that I meet.

The truth is that someone is eating a Cup o' Noodles at work right now and it smells incredibly good. Now I'm craving one. Not Ramen Noodles, Cup O' Noodles. They're very different. Trust me. (This is strange because normally I absolutely love Ramen Noodles and hate Cup O' Noodles, but...baby gets what baby wants, right?)

I Might Be Secretly Hoping For a Boy Now

My sister-in-law gave me these shoes that her little boys wore when they were babies. Are they not the cutest things that you've ever seen in your life?


Oh and look at the bottom: they're skid resistant (because a kid that small is obviously going to be walking all over in them, you know).

Seriously, seeing things this tiny make me so excited and so terrified that I can hardly stand it.

V is for...(Vendetta)

Is it wrong for me to have not one, but multiple personal vendettas against random people that I have never actually met (and probably never will)? You know what? Don't answer that. It's best if I not know.

My current list of people I have Vendettas against:

• Whoever invented the conference call. There is too much background noise. Too many distractions. People not talking into the speaker phone. People doing other stuff. And it simply gives me a creak in my neck. Especially when the call last 2 hours. And I seem to have at least one ever day. I mean, yes, I'm glad I don't have to drive up to Salt Lake for every one of these meetings...I just feel like I'm wasting my time sitting there on the phone and at the end, having no more information than I did in the first place.
• The driver of the white Suburban that was driving in front of us for several hours on the way home from San Diego. I swear, every single time I tried to change lanes they would speed up. Every time they tried to change lanes they would cut me off and darn near clip my car in the process. They would get in front of me and drive slower than molasses. Plus, they had an attitude. I could just tell.
• BYU fans who think I'm literally a bad person for liking the Utes.
  
• Enya. And everyone that loves her music and thinks it is perfect to put as background music on their movies. It's not. Trust me.
• 90% of the cashiers at Wal-Mart. Do they recognize me when I come in or something? I'm not sure how it happens, but I am sure that they are conspiring against me. Because every time I go there it take me 20+ minutes to go through the checkout. Even if there is only on person in front of me, and they only have three items. Seriously.

That's all for now. It's hard to carry even five personal Vendettas, but believe me, they are called for.

Identity Crisis

Have you ever had an identity crisis?

I think that I have a language identity crisis every day.

I'm that person that can use the word "heretofore" and "freakin" in the same sentence.
Who says you can't mix "get thee hence" with "goober" and call it a work of literary geniousness?

I use antiquated phrases like "Alas, his chivalry was clouded by his untamed mouth" mixed in with Gilmore Girls references ("but not as cute as a Pushkin") and music lyrics ("She's so happy it's depressing..." and "I really can't stay [baby, it's cold outside"]).

I use cliches that I can't ever get quite right ("Best thing since sliced pickles...err...cheese? Bread? Something like that.").

I use words I make up ("slickery" and "sarcasmic") and words that I don't know what they mean ("chassie") and words that I can't pronounce ("Bourbon" for some reason I struggle saying that one) and words that really just shouldn't be used under any circumstances ("blubbery" and "craptastic").

I love alliteration ("And Aubrie asked an absolutely amazing question..." and rhyming ("My dream is to fly with no reason why and see the blue sky and wave to everyone goodbye.")

I love ridiculously long, 300 word sentences. And one word sentences. Preferably all mixed in together.

I tack strings of words together with hyphens to make them more exciting and because I can't think of one word that adequately describes my thoughts, but there sure as heck are fifty of them, so why not use them all?

I sometimes say something just because I think of an exciting or fun word I want to use.

I don't pay much attention to grammar rules. If I like the way it sounds, that's how I'm going to write it.

I'm a five year old ("stop touching me!") and a 90 year old ("When I was your age...").

I'm a mother ("Honey, don't forget your jacket, it's really cold outside") and a teenager ("Don't tell me what to do!").

I'm a saint ("Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...") and a sailor (sorry, no quote here, but you already know I have a favorite cuss word).

I'm a politician ("The results were not quite as high as we had hoped, but this program has the potential to become a great force for good in this nation") and politically incorrect ("If that stupid, mean, ugly-in-the-soul customer calls me one more time I'm going to go down there and teach him exactly how hard state employees work...and how hard they can hit.")

I'm a cheerleader ("PG is what? Red Hot!") and a debator ("Your argument is lacking in grounded research, your logic is faulty, and your conclusions are hasty at best and unfounded at worst.").

I'm a kiss-up ("Have I ever told you that you're my inspiration for everything that I do? Whenever I'm trying to make a decision, I think of you, and try to do what would make you proud.") and brutally honest ("You need to calm down. I saw you out there, and you were mean. I know that's not the real you, so sit down and figure out what exactly is going on and fix it, because I don't want to be disappointed in you like that again").

I'm a best friend ("You make me a better person, thank you for that.") and a worst enemy ("If you ever even think about doing that, I will personally see to it that you regret it").

I'm a lover ("When I look at my future, you're all I really need.") and a hater ("Thank you for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted, and thank you for lying to me, your friendship and good times we had you can have them back").

But the weird thing is that I can manage to be all of these things in the space of 30 minutes. How is that even possible? Am I some sort of case study? Do I need to be poked and prodded? Tested and treated? Counseled and criticized? Or am I just a (somewhat-not-really-kind-of-ab-) normal person that talks at twenty miles a minute and says things that sort-of-but-not-quite make sense?

Prayer

I 100% believe in God. And I know that he hears me and answers my prayers. There have been countless times in my lives when I have prayed fervently, and had an answer to my prayers. Sometimes immediately. Sometimes after a long wait. But always, always, there has been an answer. Whether I like that answer or not.

A couple of months ago I had one of the most powerful experiences with prayer I've ever had in my life. I was having a horrible day. Everything was falling apart. I didn't know how I could do everything that I needed to. I had no peace in my life. So I got down on my knees and prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told him that I needed his help because my life was too much for me, I couldn't do it on my own. This time I had an immediate answer. I literally felt the burdens being lifted off of my shoulders, and an overwhelming peace take its place. The burdens have come and gone since then, but the peace and the answer have stayed. I don't doubt for a minute that that was an answer to my prayer.

I can remember when I was little the first time I ever babysat my little sister Ali late at night. I put her to bed, and she just started screaming and screaming. I had no idea what was wrong, and nothing I did seemed to help her. I felt completely helpless and alone. So I did the only other thing I could think of. I prayed...for a good 15 minutes or so, and slowly the screaming subsided and Ali fell asleep. I knew it was because Heavenly Father loves me and listened to my prayers.

There have been hundreds of other similar experiences, and each has touched my life and strengthened my testimony that I am never alone, and that I truly am the daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me.

That's why today I'm praying. The whole day long I'm sending up silent prayers. My grandma is in the hospital. She's had complications from a surgery, and they're trying to decide what to do. She'll be in the hospital for at least a few more days. And I'm scared. Last time she had complications from a surgery she had massive internal bleeding and literally almost died. I don't know what to expect right now, but I'm surely not ready to say goodbye just yet. So I'm praying and I know that God will answer me. It might not be the answer I'm looking for, but I know that it will be the right one.

Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow?

So remember how making decisions is not my forte? Well, I'm getting my hair cut on Friday and I need your help. I'm dying my hair back to my natural color...I know that much. But what about the cut? Bangs? No bangs? Short? Long?

Please let me know what you think! I need your help!

Short & Straight, No Bangs

Short & Curly with Long Bangs

Long & Straight, No Bangs

Long & Layered, No Bangs

Long & Layered with Bangs

Long with a Long Side-Swept Bangs

Long, No Bangs

Tuesday's Truth

The truth is that yesterday I didn't see the sunlight (except for a couple of stolen glances through the window) the entire day. That's the worst part of winter and working 11 hour days.

The truth is that I think I might finally be starting to show (just a little bit) that I'm pregnant. I'm not so excited about that.

The truth is that the intensity of my emotions sometimes shocks me. Still. Even after 24 years.

The truth is that I'm voting today. I've done all my research on the candidates and I'm ready and excited to cast my vote. I love election day.

The truth is that my new phone at work is the opposite of new. It is ANCIENT. So much so that there is not even a transfer button. I tried to google the model number to figure out how to turn off call forwarding, trasnfer calls, check messages...you know, basic stuff like that, and google brought up a whole lot of nothing. (I thought google knew everything. I'm a little disappointed in them, I'm not going to lie.) Plus, there's not a connection for a headset, so I have to pick up the handset and listen when I'm on a call. Which really sucks when I'm on a 3 1/2 hour conference call...which I'm pretty sure is going to be at least every other week. Nice.

The truth is that sticky notes (aka Post-It-Notes) make me inexpressably happy.

The truth is that I love getting mail. Or email. Or texts. Or phone calls. Pretty much any time I hear from someone I love and care about it makes me smile.

The truth is that I'm afraid of Primary. Mainly because there are so many little kids, and they always seem to be sticking their fingers up their noses, in their eyes, in their mouths, on the chairs, on their neighbors...and then they touch me. I really don't want to get sick, but I don't know how I can avoid it when I'm around the kids every Sunday.

The truth is that I have to take 6 pills every morning. Sometimes 7 or 8 if it's a bad day. Which is awesome, because the last thing I want to do in the morning is, you know, eat. But I can't take 6 pills on an empty stomach because it makes things worse.

The truth is that I hate growing up. I hate watching all my friends move far, far away. I hate saying goodbye. I hate having more and more responsibilities. I hate having to make big decisions. I hate that big things come betwen me and the people that are important to me, and sometimes they can't be fixed. I hate that I forget what it was like to be young and carefree. I hate that I have "long lost friends." I hate that I have so many bills to pay. I hate being solicited for alumni donations. I hate watching myself grow more and more different from my friends.